femdom review

Femdom Review: The Damsel by Victoria Vale

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TL;DR: A rattling good thriller/historical romance with a violent and aggressive heroine finding peace in the unconditional love and submission of a genuinely supportive male lead.

If you are looking for femdom romance novels, one of the places they hide is the back/middle of a series that is otherwise dedicated to different kinds of BDSM pairings, usually M/f. Most frustratingly, most tagging systems do not make the distinction of who is doing what to whom, with no distinction in most blurbs or tagging. Finding femdom is about looking at a lot of stuff marketed with a “take charge heroine” and trying to determine if they mean a strong female lead with a lot of agency outside of the bedroom, but a sub in bed (or vanilla), and a domme. Even the cover, with this one a particularly well done example, can still turn out to have been a gamble. Nonetheless, sometimes you get a hit.

The Damsel is very much in the pattern of this sort of hidden gem. Looking at the cover and context, without word of mouth, it would be very hard to realize that this is pretty much what the audience asking for more femgaze femdom content is talking about. You get a sexually sadistic (without being hateful) and competent heroine, a sexy male masochist who is a value add to her life, and a plot that allows her to be vulnerable without completely defanging her. There’s adventure, peril and high drama/high chemistry sex. If I had to describe the dynamic I’d say tsundere domme with a sub who is more german shepherd than golden retriever. He’s here to devote himself to her, but the story emphasizes just as much his intelligence and ability to show teeth when she needs it. 

When we meet our heroine, Cassandra, she is reclaiming her life after surviving the double trauma of a sexual assault and then the public testimony necessary to secure a conviction of her attacker. At the encouragement of a friend she decides to find a one night stand, propositioning the first man who seems attractive in the common room of an inn. That turns out to be Robert Stanley, an unusually handsome young man from her aristocratic social circle, who just happens to be there nursing being dumped by the heroine of the two prior books in the series. Luckily you don’t need to read those books to follow along here. This is a completely stand alone story with all the focus on our current characters.

And wow, what a ride! Cassandra struggles with her status as a ruined woman, a pair of horrid sisters and a mother who is more concerned that she will taint their reputation of the rest of the family than the wellbeing of her daughter. The world of good society lets her linger in a sort of twilight space, whispered about but still allowed on its fringes. Cassandra, for her part sees her victimization not as a one off experience, but an enlightenment into the violence all women have in common and has set out to do something about it. Much of the plot follows this dark mission, but even for a high drama thriller it has a lot of well depicted accuracy around the damage of sexual assault is not just in the moment, but in dealing with how people treat you afterwards. 

That being said, if you need your BDSM super negotiated and clear up front, this book might give you pause. Cassandra leaps into aggressively topping Robert without any conversation about limits, getting him to agree to be tied to the bed before going to town on him. I can give this a pass, under the grounds this is a fantasy and isn’t pretending to model healthy relationships, but this can be a hot button limit for some kink readers. Likewise the thriller side of the plot eventually put the heroine in some pretty graphic danger including the risk of more sexual assault, so if that’s triggering or your comfort place is never seeing the domme character even temporarily helpless, you may find this isn’t your cup of tea. What I can reassure readers, however, is that our heroine acquits herself magnificently even at her darkest and most defenseless moments and the dynamic that slowly develops between her and Robert is one where she trusts him enough to make things more of a collaboration in all things.

Also, blessedly, What this book doesn’t do is conclude she’s only a dominant because she survived rape. Though the context for her initial exploration is reclaiming her agency, and the trappings of BDSM are initially justified by her as simply protecting herself from potential violence and keeping the hero at arms length, one of the main conflicts of the book is Robert helping her see that she isn’t broken, she just incidentally happens to be kinky. Inversely he is never at all self conscious about his own enjoyment of being mauled, and any trauma of his own is not related to his desire for submission. It also is very good at having the hero able to disagree with some of her methods without implying she’s wrong in how she reached her conclusion. I won’t spoil some of the twists, but the title hints at the core theme of the book, that you can still be seen as a stupendously component badass and deserve all the rescue and protection of the titular “Damsel” archetype. 

Femdom Review “The Tied Man” by Tabitha McGowan

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The Tied Man Tabitha McGowan

This is a tabloid thriller romp meets gothic romance into what I would probably describe more as caretaker whump appreciation of bad things happening to a male captive than anything traditionally femdom. Still, if your entry to this kink is more focused on the hurt/comfort male suffering part and the power fantasy of being a rescuer, this book has a lot to offer. And, if last week’s review (What Was Meant To Be) was too cozy for you, this one definitely won’t be.

Our protagonist is a mixed background,  loose cannon artist, Lilith Bresson, coerced by a wealthy aristocratic Blaine Albermarle to come to her remote castle resort and produce a commission.  There Lilith, or “Lily” meets Blaine’s pretty but damaged boytoy Finn, and comes to discover that the resort offers more than a relaxing getaway to discerning patrons. Our heroine has stumbled into one of those rich people sex-torture clubs where everything is available for the right price, and Finn is one of the prize victims in Blaine’s stable.

After a prickly start, Finn and Lilith begin to form a connection, even as Blaine seeks to ensnare more subjects in a web of blackmail. A cascade of badness follows. Everything and the kitchen sink happens to Finn in loving and lurid detail, while Lilith tries to fight back and wrestle with her own demons.

The tabloid framing, one with a paparazzi lurking for her as a minor celebrity they aren’t sure if they should destroy or worship, and the tawdry glamor of Lilith’s politician father, are equally integral to the setting, seaming together to amp up the drama while giving the audience a taste of a power fantasy of our own, one where it’s plausible one very angry young woman can destroy a criminal network in the manner of a more traditional hero slaying a dragon. If the BDSM without limits brothel with real sex slaves angle is a bit far fetched to read straight (not to mention the logistical overhead of the sheer level of blackmail gluing everyone to the situation), the added concerns of talk shows and award ceremonies almost serve to ground the story’s violent conspiracy excesses as precisely the sort of thing that same sort of media purports to be true.

Thus you can just absolutely feel the nasty, UK Grim atmosphere leaking through, a sort of tonal filter much like a Russian novel’s typical, almost hysterical bleakness. If the characters are largely trapped on an island castle at the whims of its master, so also is the setting one where leaving the resort is just being on a different sort of covert island torture prison.

There isn’t anything you would associate with Lilith being a traditional dominant, and indeed she’s put through almost as much shit as the male lead. However, the fanfiction classified aesthetic of whump is something I talked about before as a place where a lot of the porn for dommes hides. If the damsel-in-distress trope has a lengthy history of being a covert excuse for bondage and lingering over a helpless feminine victim and her suffering, here too is the gender flip option.

This is a great read for a chilly autumn evening, where you want something juicy and just a little bit horrific to titillate you into the shivers.

TL;DR 

Imagine a role reversal Orpheus and Eurydice, if the captive was in as close to actual hell as possible. Caretaker + whump victim struggle their way to an escape, with very much a flavour of a fox trying to get out of wolf’s den, only to exit into a forest where the hounds are already baying for a hunt.

Femdom Review “What Was Meant To Be” by Heather Guerre

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Lake Lenora Book 2 What Was Meant To Be Author of the Tooth & Claw Series Heather Guerre

Cozy, autumnal and… autistic representation? This gentle femdom contemporary romance is an absolute comfort read to grab as the season transitions. While people are a lot more familiar with her previous exploration into femdom, with her immensely creative take on the billionaire romance genre of “Preferential Treatment”, Guerre released this one to perhaps a bit less acclaim, but no less quality. Consider this your chance to grab an underrated gem.

Ok, enough gush – what are you in for?

Wes Sorenson has one last hurdle in restoring his family’s resort, an arranged marriage to Rain Kateb. Per her old fashioned father, Rain isn’t able to function in the outside world and a husband is the easiest solution. If Wes wants the final piece of missing land she’s a non-negotiable part of the deal.
Rain is autistic, and this is handled extremely well. One of the most awkward parts of neurodivergence is the general conflation with having high support needs in some areas with being low capacity in everything. Much of the story is told from her perspective as she gets out of the stifling control of her father and learns to find her own two feet. And very refreshingly, not all the challenges she deals with are attributed to her autism. Rain grew up in an artist’s commune and is navigating being both biracial and steeped in very different cultural norms of her hippy mother for the first half of her life.

Although Wes sets her up as a roommate he thinks he is expected to care for, Rain quickly overturns his expectations, with a take charge dynamic even as the writing permits her to be unsure and experience growth. This is one of the places Guerre shines, with a dominant being vulnerable without undermining her. Expect wholesome and accepting idealized small town vibes and a very omnipresent autumn atmosphere, as Rain comes into her own. Autistic readers please be reassured, Rain is not here to inspire anyone else, not even her love interest. She’s here to be inspired, recognized and admired.

That being said, I further emphasize the “cozy” label. There’s no intense stakes heavier than getting out of the house, and nothing approaching physical violence. Also, while I found Wes very plausible as a character, as a rescuer he is less useful at direct help and possibly more useful at eventually getting out of her way. While her journey was to discover just what she was capable of, his was to give people more credit and be a bit less selfish. You don’t have to be too patient for him to catch up with Rain, but he can be a bit dense and starts from a very unfortunate place- by the time he realizes what he’s got he’s dug himself into quite the hole. And don’t worry, their happily ever after is also addresses their relationship challenges in a very satisfying way.

TL;DR

If a pumpkin spice latte was a femdom romance, this would be it. Small town, fall, autism rep and a heroine taking charge in the bedroom while she learns to take charge of her life outside it.

Femdom Review “Pawn of the Cruel Princess” by Rebecca F. Kenney

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“Pawn of the Cruel Princess” by Rebecca F. Kenney is a dark romance aiming for the trope of enemies to lovers. It’s got an ostensible femdom premise (male war captive of female royalty) but a decidedly switchy tone. Like many works trying to focus on sexual slavery while also trying to keep the characters likable, it relies heavily on external pressures pushing the couple together and forcing the female lead, Ruelle, into a more carnal dynamic with Ducayne. 

There is a plot here, as well, with shades of Gideon the Ninth. After our main characters’ introduction and torture room meet cute, we learn the flower of the youthful nobility (and their pleasure thralls) must congregate in one isolated place to party. Once at the resort, bad things must be grappled with and whodoneit mystery is presented. Ruelle brings enemy captain Ducayne to spite her Crown Princess sister, but also because she is attempting to politic her way into her own survival when her wicked sister eventually ascends the throne. Despite having virtually no time to train Ducayne, with the help of a magic tattoo and some negotiation, Ruelle secures his cooperation to at least vaguely attempt to pass as her submissive thrall.

The sister and the family dynamic here is extravagantly abusive. The society, for their part, is hypersexual with a great deal of focus on the owning and training of their thralls. This appears to be a common practice on the island shared by both Ruelle and Ducayne’s respective nations. Our framing device for why any of this needs explaining is that Ruelle is a virgin who has yet to cooperate with debauchery expected of a noble. 

Ducayne, for his part, instantly decides he doesn’t care about the side of a war he is on, but maintains an intense quantity of pride and belief in his own right to autonomy. He is also spends a lot of time thinking about the bad relationship he has with his mother. 

Both characters speculate they are kinky thanks to abuse from their parents. Much hay is made of the heroine’s inherent masochism, something that she is deeply uncomfortable with. The hero is forever pinning her against things and making threats. In this society, being aroused by bottoming is apparently shameful, and both characters grapple with discomfort that they are aroused by it, Ruelle more so than her thrall. There is something here about space for switches and lovers of primal, but if you are turned off by the sub manhandling the dominant and at least one scene of pretty much flat out non-con with another man for Ruelle, you might be annoyed.

I know this is a hot button issue for a lot of femdoms that even in fiction we don’t get to avoid being disempowered,, not to mention the external pressure that we are just feisty subs who will eventually be taught better. If anything that could even hint of that is triggering, you might want to skip this one.

On the other hand, for all of Ducayne’s bluster, his growing feelings for Ruelle quickly come to form an ongoing basis for his willing cooperation with his own subjugation, and he’s clearly aroused by being sliced up, verbally abused and manhandled by Ruelle. There’s more turbo brat here than full dominant from him, and his own violence towards Ruelle rapidly starts to resemble a sort of service topping. Ruelle is incredibly erotophobic and Ducayne’s role is to largely safely confront her with her own desire in a way that she can eventually accept. Inversely Ducayne shifts from being horny-for-his-enemy to deciding that she’s almost as much a prisoner as him and assuming a role of rescuer.

Also expect interludes with all the background characters, who are of every possible orientation. There will even be a sort of light love triangle with potential for a thruple explored, but this book isn’t aiming to be menage, just keeping most of the focus on kinky sex, more kinky sex and rather intense violence.

To its credit, when we get to the ending, while all romances must have a happily ever after (HEA), we also don’t get the sense this pair will transform to vanilla. They will probably remain stabby and primal, but ultimately the hero decides to accept something that keeps him subjugated to the heroine.

TL;DR

Domme-to-switch non-con with a brat and a very violent, gory plot. A lot of stabbing and slicing from the heroine. I found it perfectly readable, but the emphasis on the heroine’s masochism still needs flagging.

Femdom Review – Libidex Matrix Latex Catsuit For Women

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matrix latex cat suit review

So you were looking for a latex cat suit and you were considering getting the Female Matrix Catsuit from Libidex…

I got the Matrix, my first latex catsuit, as a gift from Silver, who seems to be spending his entire personal entertainment budget trying to wrap me in head to toe rubber, an activity I am not at all resisting. One thing we noticed, however, is the lack of easy to find reviews. The sites that sell them (in this case Libidex), usually have a user submitted section for comments with stars.

Reviews from other people are important, for a number of reasons. For most enthusiasts, latex clothing remains very much the mail order fetish gear (or to update terms, online shopping situation) it was 100 years ago. Often involving significant international shipping. While there’s a whole thriving review industry for sex toys, mostly dildoes and other thing designed to get people with vaginas off, latex seems to be largely a matter of word of mouth, or scrounging old forum posts where some blessed soul spread sheeted a list of brands.

So, my experience with the Matrix Latex Catsuit for women?

This is a footed, full neck to toe latex catsuit available in a scope of different colours. Mine is a size medium, in basic black. My version has their standard thickness latex (o.5 mm). A triple zipper pull system lets you open an access window, probably best for sex, but also bathroom breaks without having to undress, and I suppose, getting your tits out if you would prefer that.

Price: Regular £245 (or $326.77 USD or $424.54 CAD) – get on their mailing list for frequent sales.

Want more? Keep reading.

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Femdom Review: Tempting the Domme by Golden Angel

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Available: Kindle, Audible, Paperback

Author Page: Golden Angel

How did I get this? I bought it.

Contents: Modern Femdom Romance, Hooking up with the Boss, Kink Club, Stand Alone In Series

Did I like It? It’s ok.

I feel bad when I don’t like something, because there’s so few F/m works targeted at women. Tempting the Domme isn’t bad, per say, but there’s a few things I just couldn’t get past. In the first place the setting, a pair of BDSM clubs called the Stronghold and the Marquis, had traditions taken from the worst kind of trying to justify itself BDSM-as-a-culture. Next, the male lead repeatedly ignore the ostensible Domme’s “stop doing that”. Finally there’s too many characters, and I didn’t need to know about a catalogue of their goings on, nor do I think anything of note really happened to any of the side characters worth dedicating so much time to them.

Uhgh, the author, who seems to normally nail out perfectly serviceable M/f romances, doesn’t deserve my fussiness. Maybe this would work for someone else? She clearly is familiar with how BDSM actually works, and her sex scenes pass the possible and chemistry present test. But, I don’t think making the heroine that resistant to the situation is doing the book any favours and ultimately that swayed my away from liking it.

The premise is a “He’s the Boss So It’s A Bad Idea”, which isn’t the worst way to stop a simple, modern relationship transaction from resolving in chapter one. However there’s so much additional accidental showing of how the sub, Luke, has the Domme, Olivia, at a disadvantage. She manages the Marquis, he has part ownership. He’s forever walking into her office to deliver gifts, calling her a pet name she tells him to never call her, etc. The text reminds us repeatedly it’s ok because Olivia secretly likes it and her attraction to him (and lack of hard no) is consent.

This isn’t like, weird Gor style all women want to be taken hard nonsense. But the book very much does not believe reluctance is a reason to stop. And more than just owning part of her work place, those squintillion characters (all heroes of their own books) who make up the social network, including the other owners Olivia is under, are gung ho about mashing the pair together even though she is clearly wildly uncomfortable.

Coercion takes different forms, and I empathized with Olivia identifying that the whole scenario put her in a huge risk if it didn’t work out.

So it isn’t just her singular employer, it’s her other employers, their significant others and her colleagues all finding Luke’s aggressive pursuit of her not only exciting, but a great deal of text is dedicated to everyone caring very much about her personal life. I don’t feel the author realized how much this actually undermined Olivia. I was more scared for her here, where the people were the center of her world were more concerned about a HEA for Luke than how unhappy it made her, than I was for the later Narrative Peril.

For all 25% of the text is dedicated to talking about the safe, protective nature of the club’s teaching and practices, it seemed to be protesting too much.

As for things that we didn’t need, there were also pages of X likes Y but Y likes Z level explanations of social dynamics I can’t figure out why, as a person reading one book in a series, we care about. Between the new characters in the sub class and the regular cast from other books, it honestly became hard to keep track of who was what. Unfortunately Olivia’s perspective didn’t really seem like she liked anyone much either, which as a domme reading about a domme navigating an almost entirely M/f world ended up contributing to the deep sense of not belonging.

There’s a few touches I did like: Olivia’s anxious disguised as aloof domme ego, and sense of self in relation to that. The unusual inclusion of Luke still smarting from a breakup where he was called boring, was interesting. Additionally the author really hit her stride with the exploration of his in scene submissive mindset- it is more realistic than a lot of works write for men. Additionally, Luke being pushy gets a bit better once the will they/won’t they ice gets broken.

I can see where the norms of the genre were working against the intent of the story.

Romance isn’t, by tradition, about situations that the reader might want to actually be in themselves. High drama courtship that would make you mace the lead in real life can also be read with trope goggles on. However, I still think his boundary crossing might have been helped by restructuring him as less of a pigtail pulling tease. Or at least holding off on that until they had an established dynamic. Or it might have helped to discuss the expectations of male courtship to sweep her off her feet versus his role as her boss in text.

As far as serving tropes for tension: There’s a few points where Olivia has real problems due to external drama and peril provided by the narrative, and that lets the characters be put in close enough contact to bond, outside of work. This, ironically, flows a lot less creepy. Still, “were it not for a crazy stalker I wouldn’t tolerate you trying to help” still isn’t setting a comfortable coercion free bed in which the characters could romp.

The peril is also where the author showed some of her strengths and more distinction in the other characters.

For example, I had to giggle at all the Alpha Doms falling all over themselves to try to be useful in a manly way. There was good stuff in the ego push/pull of how very little most people are actually the masterful or timidly enticing sex stereotypes we fantasize about. A side bit about one of the more manly tops enjoying being spooned as a source of shame for him suggests the author, herself, isn’t unaware of the difference between what kinky people aspire to be, and who they are.

Which brings me to the third “nope”. Woven throughout the story was the means by which the club culture initiated new kinky people to being in the group. As per the narrative they had switched from everyone being required to do an “initiation scene” to taking a group class, sorted by category.

In the world of the Stronghold, more binary switches or role fluid people really aren’t a thing. BDSM transcends sexual pleasure and is to be done casually with anyone as a part of the learning process. All dominants must experience “everything” they want to do to subs.

I quote Silver directly:

I wonder if anyone has ever written a book where before someone can sub, they have to dom. “Oh, you want to be spanked? Well, here’s your paddle. Have to pass the standards.“

There really isn’t the idea in the culture of the club that being a submissive can be a personal thing. Meanwhile doms are elevated outside of their relationship dynamics, even encouraged to leer and intimidate the new sub class for mutual titillation. The subs are supposed to wear revealing outfits that distinguish them from the doms, and are perpetually referred to by anyone as “subbie”. Although there is no protocol of obedience, adding in amplified gender roles for most of the side characters really built up the atmosphere of an environment where subs were cherished but not really exisiting in a position as equals outside of their consent. The situation isn’t far from how people act in real life, but it really isn’t a healthy one.

Tempting the Domme is very close to confronting the gendered part of the problem effectively

The problem of universal sub disempowerment is not the author’s fault. Fantasies, and from thence, the kink scenes that tried to recreate them, are forever coming up with scenarios where the power imbalance is real. From putting uneven prestige on being a top and mentor, to creating an artificially one size fits all concept of the helpless sub being ‘protected’, power dynamics nobody needs or signed up for creep in. BDSM also often tries to recreate a sort of hyper-gender role dynamic across the D/s lines instead, and that’s in the book as well, but the author handles that a lot better.

In real life, even our concepts of “Top” and “Bottom”, coopted from queerness, drag in ridiculous ideas about the inherently submissive nature of penetration. The author does a really good job of touching on this and the male protagonist’s struggle with self acceptance. But, as an idealized premise there’s a huge amount of infantilization, and a pretty pernicious problem.

With power oriented along gendered lines for most practical levers in the larger culture. BDSM often stumbles over making M/f heterosexuality, if heterosexuality did drag. But humans don’t actually do binary as well as we like to act we do.

I had a post I did a while back “Queen Hatshepsut’s Strapon“, where I unpacked the problems with centering power on giving a domme a phallus (rather than her having one because she wanted one). Here, the core complexity is softness versus gender roles.

So as a character, excepting the lack of respect he shows for Olivia’s comforts (even when he seems to clearly understand they are there and how line crossing his behavior is), the sub, Luke is an interesting study into where gender and BDSM stereotypes break down in trying to support the lived experience of the people involved.

Credit where credit due, I also appreciated Olivia’s distrust on Luke’s constence, and a certain additional pressure on her side of not feeling unattractive as much as being very used to even men who are into it deciding they just couldn’t handle being like that.

It’s why I, as a reader, feel bad about the fact that I didn’t like it. When there’s very little on the market that’s serving a need, it puts too much pressure on the stuff that does, and for a get-what-you-pay-for kindle ready, well, it’s just ok?

Femdom Book Review: At His Lady’s Command by Nicola Davidson

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This is a cream puff. It’s a sugary, gooey confection you bite into and there is flakey bits all over your blouse and custard oozing out, but you aren’t sorry you did it. Our protagonists, Lady Portia and her faithful bodyguard Denham start out as unrequited, and within a chapter, rush from lust to bed at speed- we aren’t making any pretence this isn’t porn.

With that in mind, if you are looking for exact historical accuracy, this might not be for you. Rich heiress runs a sexual dream society attended by pairings and a triad from other books, and does good works. The past-ish background serves largely as a fig leaf to add propriety to rebel against and peril to intrude. As such, the premises of the plot can fall apart if you stare too long at them.

This is gentle femdom. Don’t expect bondage or sadomaschism more intense than scratches, but do enjoy that our 38 year old heroine and 44 year old hero are plausibly into each other and her control, while also keeping them as firmly defined equals outside the context of their kinks.

Honestly my biggest criticism is the speed the story was rushed interfered with the possability of larger tension and made the peril of the story a bit less fleshed in favour of Denham or Portia yearning for each other. But!

Holy hell is it a breath of fresh air to get a protagonist that is not a professional. Not that being a pro is bad, but the vast majority of femdom romances targeted for the female gaze approach the subject as a story of an idealized dominatrix, usually a service top. The characters like eachother and compliment eachother. They have plausible chemistry.

Davidson looks like she knows what she is talking about, when it comes to femdom, and although her larger suite of offerings covers pretty much the gamut of relationships (looks like M/f, a mmf triad, lesbian and gay make up the other books in her Surrey Sexual Freedom Society series, for example) this is not a tick box sampler or someone writing outside their depth.

This may be pure romance-land in the larger framing, but expect a good fusion of modern tastes and historical vulgarity- nobody does a cockstand or has a mossy grot, but there are no throbbing members. I would have a hard time placing the exactness of period, but they do manage birth control that is both plausible and historically accurate.

In all, I wish Davidson had the time to let this develop properly with more length, but having tasted her wears, even if I might have a stray crumb or two to brush away, I will be back to this particular bakery again.

Want a copy? At His Lady’s Command is a kindle exclusive. I bought it myself on a whim and have received no sponsorship to review.

Femdom Movie Review: Dogs Don’t Wear Pants

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TL;DR Verdict:

Oneric *deeply* dark romantic comedy. Expect fucked up visuals and a view into kink as filthy. Protagonist is super unhealthy, but this is in the camp as “Secretary” more so than “The Piano Teacher”.

Now for a more detailed review…

Boy meets girl, boy obsessed over unhealthy behaviours, girl is attracted to his pain and feels connection through sadism, boy has midlife crisis connected to inability to cope with death of wife, boy gets a fucking clue and sort of emerges from cocoon of self destruction.

Unlike cheerful romps like “Walk All Over Me” or “Preaching to the Perverted”, this one is trying to say something a bit deeper about humanity, at least in the artistic tradition of an upper middle class, middle aged man having a full on melt down while getting laid.

Juha is a slim, attractive but a bit goofy heart surgeon who loses his wife in the first act. It’s important here to take the scenes as his fractured psyche/fantasy assembling memory- as he imagines/experiences trying to save her from drowning and being pulled back from joining her by the demands of caring for his toddler daughter.

Thus we see him as comparing himself to a caught fish, choking in the bottom of a fisherman’s boat. Early scenes are important to establish Juha as having redeeming qualities- it uses a lot of show don’t tell to let you know what is going on and you are about to watch him completely fall apart for an hour.

I cannot review this without spoilers, so you are duly warned that I will probably deconstruct this enough to spoil some of the shock comedy gags.

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Femdom Review “The Butters” Oil Based Lube

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An oil based lube shown next to my favourite. I like this, but not for sex.

From time to time, as a blogger, I’m privileged to get random free samples shucked my way, for the publicity my talking about it gives, and also beta testing. In the case of The Butters, an oil based lube, it is one of the nicest moisturizers I have ever tried, but… I don’t want to put it on my vulva, or give someone a hand job with it, or slick up a toy with it. I will happily rub it into my legs and face, but it is not a good sex product for me.

And this brand does EVERYTHING right, so don’t think this is one of my little rants, like my disapproval of those cheap sex toys from overseas manufactures that swear they are 100% silicone and smell like a tire fire.  This is a a homemade oil based mix of different thick, edible fats with about the texture of a creamy body butter. You can’t use it with latex condoms, but it makes sure you know what it is right away, and it’s skin safe and scentless. I really like the politics of this producer and the fact that the branding is gender neutral while still taking into account its testers varied anatomy.

I even find the brown and yellow colour scheme visually attractive! Gosh, I wish I could tell you about how this was my go to lubricant, and how it totally rocked my socks. But it just doesn’t do the job it’s marketed to do.

That being said, the manufacturer is super responsive and gave me more tips on how to get the most value out of it (use a lot) as well as took my feedback regarding the sample bottles (yours would come in a jar, not a squeezy, I had trouble getting the product out). I was so sad I couldn’t make the sex part work that I put off my review for over a year. Procrastination isn’t the most mature solution, but I hate having to give a thumbs down, even a gentle, entirely it’s-not-you-it’s-me one.

I think I just need a thinner lube to experience the right mimic of what I naturally have. It feels unpleasantly chunky after getting used to oil for my massage and sex needs, and absorbs almost instantly in quantities I feel comfortable slathering on. That’s great stroked into freshly shaved legs or patted into my oft sensitive complexion. I imagine with a whole palmful it might be lovely for butt stuff.

I’m not the only reviewer to notice that it’s very other purpose friendly, not something I can say for water based KY (or KY knock offs) or silicone lube (no silicone lube for me, the bathroom floor was slippy for days after). It even lacks the excessively medicinal feel, and never goes tacky like the water based lubes due after a while.

But at the end of the day this is a fantastic natural, small batch moisturizer from a great independently owned business. I might even buy more to replace out my standard go to body butter, but I can’t make it work for sex, even if I actually like an oil based lube like coconut or sweet almond oil.

Note: The ingredient list has shifted a bit. Mine had arrow root powder but the formula on their website is as follows: “aloe vera gel, raw shea butter*, pure coconut oil, pure extra virgin olive oil, pure grapeseed oil, pure palm kernel oil*, pure soy lipid emulsion*, apple cider vinegar & guar bean powder.”

Femdom Review: SVACOM Cathy, Yay or Nae?

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svacomSVACOM asked me to review a part of their catalog, the pink silicone skin vibrator titled “Cathy”. There’s only one problem, I generally find 99% of vibes, through no fault of their own, leave my lady parts cold. And numb. But still, here I am with a $ vibrator and wondering how to give it a fair shake.

Enter my friend Mrs. Castle. My neighbour and frequent tea companion, this woman is one of the lovely extra bright points in a life that’s already filled with some pretty sparkly people. She is able to give it a thorough testing, so when Svacom sent me the toy to test I was able to do a quick hand off and, within short order she had news to share.

Let’s see how Mrs. Castle enjoyed her date with Cathy?

Today I spent an hour getting intimate with my new friend Cathy. Cathy is Svakom’s much touted ‘Ultra-Soft Silicone Vibrator’, which comes in pink, or PINK.  The one gifted me by Miss Pearl is decidedly PINK (though on their site, Svakom calls it ‘Plum Red’). Cathy is a generous 180mm long, and 90mm wide, and so if you are not comfortable with a decent girth, you might consider being very liberal with your lube before playing with her. She is also waterproof, and made of eco-safe materials. She functions on polymer lithium rechargeable battery, and has a continuous working time of roughly 2 hours.

One thing that sets Cathy apart from other vibes is the ‘Svakom Intelligent Mode’. I admit, I was skeptical when I read that in the user guide, but it was actually fairly pleasant. It has a nice slow teasing build, which I did like, though I found the ‘climax’ period of the cycle to be far too short for my personal taste. Still, it is a far better cycle of vibration than I’ve tried with other similar toys in the past, and I mostly did like it. Happily, you can press the arrows to shift modes at any time to make your experience more or less intense.

Another feature I was very impressed by was how SILENT Cathy was. Svakom promises their toys are ‘whisper quiet’, and they really delivered on that front. I could only hear the faintest thrum of the motor, but only just. It was nice, and as such did not distract me from my self-pleasuring mission. I am sure that if others were home, they would have had no idea what I was up to.

I also want to highlight how wide Cathy is, and that she is a shapely toy. Many vibrators out there are pretty dull, and slim, and honestly do little for me. Cathy was wide, enough that I was surprised by it, and it made for a much more pleasant experience. She is also tapered, so you can insert to the girth you like best, though I found it to be the most comfortable when I had the vibrator in as fully as was possible without losing the control buttons.

My main critique would be that the design leads to some small frustration because the control buttons do end up very close to buried within you. Some sort of remote to control the settings would have been nice, and could lend itself well to more partner-play too.

Did Cathy do the job? I would say that she’s certainly a fun ride, if not a thorough one. I am one of those who requires far more clitoral stimulation than just vaginal, but I did enjoy the internal stimulation a fair amount. Cathy is a long girl, and I do really like being deeply penetrated, which was also agreeable. I also liked the feel of the ‘ultra-soft silicone’ as opposed to regular silicone or other materials I’ve seen used. I found that the sensations were well delivered, as well as thoughtfully-timed when I was playing with the ‘Intelligent Mode’.

7.5/10 will diddle with again.

What do I think of the SVACOM Cathy?

I like that it’s a rechargeable cordless vibe, although lurid pink is not my favourite, aesthetically. The promotional material hilariously promotes everywhere you could use it other than intimate purposes- a not unfamiliar quirk in a world where sex toys fall on the cusp of legal in some region and the framing is everything. I can’t see myself using it as a massage wand for my shoulder the way I will use a rumbley work horse like the good old Magic Wand.

On the other hand, the Svacom Cathy seems just as solid as her other, well more known cousins from established brands. Her price is not low budget ($95 US), but the build quality in comparable to similarly priced toys in other lines. She doesn’t horrify based on materials. Whisper quiet without sacrificing power is pretty key to self diddling, whether you are college aged and living with the ‘rents or living with kids who’ll ask why mommy is buzzing at night.

Okay, but why should I care?

A diversity of sex toys encourages exploring new designs (all the better for a diversity of bodies!) and well as driving the overall price. Although this is a first time with Svacom it will be interesting to see where the brand takes their output next.

Review disclosure: I got the SVACOM Cathy for free and shared it with my friend, who I allowed to keep it because A) used sex toy and B) she evidently enjoyed it enough it’ll keep being used.

(They offered a coupon code, if such a thing is applicable to you: specialdisc20 a $20 discount.)